A Very Unmerry Christmas
by Bella Shia
Summary: The REAL reason why Itachi killed his whole clan! What you get when you discuss someone as messed up as Itachi at 3:30 in the morning after lots of soda. And fudge...mmm...fudge. - one shot -


I published this ON Christmas day! That makes me happy. -nerd- This is totally ooc, just thought I should warn you. And yes, poor Itachi will have to endure more weasel puns. When I found out 'itachi' meant weasel, I laughed so hard… The italics are Itachi's thoughts... Kay, I'm done. REVIEW! Or suffer Itachi's wrath.

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"Itachi Itachi Itachi!" eight-year-old Sasuke cried happily, as he ran into the room.

Thirteen-year-old Itachi rolled over in his bed. "What time is it?" he mumbled.

"4:30!" Sasuke informed him.

"In the morning?!"

Sasuke nodded.

"Go back to bed." Itachi told his younger brother, yanking his pillow over his face.

Sasuke climbed on the bed, shaking his older brother's shoulders. "But it's CHRISTMAS!"

"…I don't care." Itachi said, throwing the pillow at Sasuke.

The pillow hit Sasuke and sent him tumbling off the bed. "Ummf" Sasuke straightened up. "C'mon Itachi!"

"I'm going back to sleep." Itachi said. "And you better wake me again until it's light out."

"Fine, go back to sleep. But I'm not going anywhere." and with that, Sasuke plopped down besides the bed.

Itachi just looked at him for a moment, then went back to sleep.

Itachi woke to see his younger brother on his bed, anxiously watching him and sucking on a candy cane, face covered in the sticky sugar. "Sasuke, what are you doing?"

"Eating candy canes, and waiting for you!" He sounded jittery.

_From the candy canes_ Itachi realized, seeing an empty box by his feet. "Okay, I'll get up." he said grudgingly.

"Yay," Sasuke cheered. "Comeoncomeoncomeon!"

Itachi stretched and slowly got out of bed, following Sasuke.

"Merry Christmas Mom, Merry Christmas Dad!" Sasuke said as he and Itachi walked in.

"Merry Christmas Sasuke." they said.

Itachi raised an eyebrow. "What am I?" he asked.

"A weasel!" Sasuke proclaimed happily.

"…"

They all went to the tree and began exchanging gifts.

Sasuke got training ninja weapons.

Itachi got socks. "…Just what I always wanted." he muttered, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Sasuke looked sympathetic. "I got you something Itachi." he said. He rushed to the tree, grabbed a gift, and rushed back.

Itachi took it and unwrapped it. It was the book he really wanted. "Thanks Sasuke."

Itachi handed his gift for Sasuke to him. Sasuke unwrapped it and it turned out to be a dagger.

With wide eyes, their mother took it. "We'll save this until he gets older…" she said, glaring over Sasuke's head at Itachi.

**A few hours later**

They all arrived at their Grandmother's house. "Look how much you grew!" she cooed as she saw Sasuke.

"Really? I thought he shrank." Itachi said dryly.

"You haven't changed a bit." the grandmother remarked in a snippy tone.

She led the way into the living room. There were aunts and uncles and cousins. Itachi and Sasuke said their hellos and their grandmother got them their gifts. Sasuke got cool toys and ninja stuff but Itachi got out of place and not really wanted gifts, like gingerbread cookie mix (_Since when do I bake?_), more socks (_WHAT IS WITH THE SOCKS_?!) and hair gel. "…Start early Sasuke." He said as he handed the gel to his younger brother.

Sasuke had a confused expression on as he looked at the bottle he took.

The grandmother looked at Itachi. "I have a gift for you." she said.

She walked away and came back with something large and square under a matted old blanket. She shoved it into Itachi's arms.

Itachi stared at the large gift, now in his arms. He blinked, then put it on the table and tugged the blanket off.

It was…

…a weasel.

Itachi stared down at the pet weasel in the cage. Sasuke clambered up on a chair to see the gift better over his brother shoulders. He threw his arms around Itachi's neck. "Let's name it Itachi, Itachi!"

"Let's not." Itachi said darkly. He looked at his grandmother. "I don't want it. I'm not taking it home."

"Your son doesn't want my gift." the grandmother told Itachi and Sasuke's mother.

"Itachi." their mom said in a warning tone.

"Aren't you the one who always told me it's the thought that counts?" he asked, pointing to his not-so-thoughtful gift.

His mother said nothing. Itachi had a point.

His father, however, made Itachi say thank you and take the gift home as his grandmother smirked victoriously.

They went home a bit afterward and Itachi went to his room as Sasuke played with his new gifts.

_Stupid family_ he thought. _Grandma getting me a weasel_…_ She got Sasuke a cool gift_._ She always favors him. But no one else got me good gifts either_._ And it's not like I want to see them, all they do is coo over adorable little Sasuke_.

Itachi grabbed a piece of paper. He decided he was going to make a list of all the people he need revenge on after today. Grandma was defiantly first. Then his dad, for making him take the freaken' thing home, and his mom, for not standing up for him and getting him socks. He looked at the book on his bureau. Not Sasuke, Sasuke got him a good gift. But everyone else… they ALL made his list.

Itachi looked up from the paper to see a shuriken. He looked from the paper, to his weapon, to the paper, to his weapon. He gave an evil smirk. _If they're not going to give me good gifts, I'll make sure they won't be able to give me gifts at all_.

-cue dramatic music-


End file.
